Please allow me to introduce myself

Any of you Jay Z fans?! If so, that title just put a song intro into your brain & youre welcome. Song lyrics aside... this blog post, this one right here, is as raw & open as even I want to delve. But, I feel my journey was given to me as a stepping stool as inspiration for even just ONE of y’all. So, here I am, Brooke Cooper/Ferguson/Wade. Yup, you read that right. I’m like a modern day Elizabeth Taylor. Because let’s be honest, I’m not done yet. Haha. I still have that faith & hope that one day, I’ll get it right. So.... here we go? Buckle your seat belts. Because this ride is definitely a humdinger. I’m going to drop a Permiant story here & I am POSITIVE, I will be judged. But, if I continue to hide behind a false social media stream of perfection, I’m a fraud. I’ve prayed over & over again to God about why the frick I’m here. & I feel this is it. I’m feeling eye rolls right now but you know what, there’s thousands upon thousands of you that need to know, you’re NOT ALONE. So here we go

Hi, my name is Brooke. I was born in Columbus, Ohio to a warrior of a woman. Therefore, the day of my life, was the catalyst of my mother’s life. She was soon After diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis. As a means to keep this post as short as possible for your reading convinence, if you’re uncertain that disease, hit Google. At the age of 1 (or maybe 2 or who even really knows!!!) my mother & father divorced. I do know at the age of 2 I got a step mom. Obviously the details at this portion of life are very muddled. However, this was the point it was my mother & I against the world. Yes, that young. Let me disclaimer, I had some absolutely AMAZING grandparents. My moms parents were basically mine. & they were incredible & honestly, I owe them my life.

As I grew up, my mother worsened. MS does that to you. & you have to realize this was 35 years ago. Technology hasn’t yet made its mark. I had as normal of a childhood as my grandparents could give me. I was a constant caregiver. Eventually my mom was reduced to a wheelchair & diapers. & it was only me & my 7/8 year old self there to care for it. There’s something to be said about an 8 year old being overjoyed in the fact she was able to withstand a number 2 diaper change of an adult. While my friends were outside playing, I was inside plucking eyebrows, making dinner, cleaning. I grew up fast. & that’s okay. Because THAT makes me who I am & my gah I’m so proud of who I am. Eventually, she had to be moved to a nursing home as I had to attend high school moving in with my father (the school system was definitely not okay for my little sheltered, shy ass. Walnut Ridge. All my Ohio folks will understand)

Dad. Let’s chat. This is something that I’ve forever been teetering on. & I’m terrified still. But... here we go. Thank you for the time you tried to give me. But let’s all be honest here, you don’t care about me. Never really did. Not really sure if it was because of my mom or what. But man, could’ve used a lot more of you. & therapy is CRUCIAL in the daddy issues over here. You chose to not really care & let me go, & now, that’s okay. I’ve come to peace with it & ive forgiven you. Despite your lack of regret. I won’t go into much detail here because I’m certain I would hurt you, & as much as you’ve hurt me, I want to rise above. But I’ve learned many lessons from you & I will be certain to never allow my children to feel the abandonment, fear, anger that I have.

I’ve been molested at a very young age (7 to be exact). Lots & lots of men siphoned through my mother’s home. To be fair, MS affects your mind. Neurological. So yeah, the state of the mind was not right. I’ve been abandoned. I’ve lost my mother, my grandmother & then my grandfather. I’ve been cheated on, I’ve been divorced. I’ve been beaten. I’ve been emotional abused. I’ve been broke, I’ve been a single mom of 3 children. Alone. I’ve been through most of it ALL! Cancer took my grandma. Too quick. She went from staying with me in my times of need at 12am to losing her life as I held her hand. I’ve watched too many of my most favorite people, leave me.


This post isn’t intended to ask for mercy, sympathy or whatever. This post is to let ANYONE out there that’s been through rough times know, YOURE GOING TO BE OKAY.

I almost committed suicide not once, but twice. I have a video still on my phone to remind me of that low. There will always be a storm. But, people!!! IT WILL ALWAYS PASS & THERE WILL END UP BEING A RAINBOW. I’m living breathing proof. I have so many amazing friends & they’re what keep me sane. But y’all!!! Giving up, only lets the devil win. Stop letting him win. & if you ever, & I mean ever, need someone to relate to on some of these issues, or your own. I’m. Here.

I’m guilty.  My social media is a reflection of my PRIME moments. My highlight reel. But, ladies & gents, here’s the real me. Flawed, imperfect, broken... & still here & STRONG!!!

I KNOW writing this post exposes me. More than I ever ever feel comfortable with. But, it’s real
Life. & I feel God put me here, in all these battles, all these lows, to show other people that there’s hope. Do not give up. & you’re not alone.


THIS IS ME

Xo,
Brooke